Geek Girls Rule! #38.5 – Comic Review: Alex Robinson’s Lower Regions

 

ISBN:  978-1-60309-009-4
6″x4.5″ graphic novel
56 pages
For mature Readers
Top Shelf Productions – November 2007

I was going to wait until Friday to review this, but after reading it I got all excited and decided I couldn’t wait.  I really, really enjoyed the hell out of this little comic.  It’s black and white with no dialogue, so the entire story is conveyed solely by the art and the facial expressions of the characters.  It focuses on a female barbarian and her Halfling (I’m guessing) companion, battling their way through a dungeon.

I thought the art was great!  I could see touches of both Sergio Aragones and Roberta Gregory (Bitchy Bitch) in the style, yet it remained highly original.  The main character has a nice rack, but she’s proportional, and even with the simplicity of the black and white art, muscular development was indicated.  She looked like she could wield her axe reasonably, and she has a cute round face instead of the heart-shaped or “kitten-ish” faces we’re used to from comics artists. Her armor was a touch too Xena for me, at first, but the leather strip skirt is a historical and valid armor type, so I got the hell over it.  Also, at no time did this comic make me roll my eyes (which is good because that hurts right now, please see previous post).  Not once did anything the character did make want to punch anyone.   And honestly, that has to be some sort of record.

The facial expressions of the heroine and the other characters, however, are where the artist’s skill really shines.  I absolutely adore how well the artist conveyed a wide variety of emotions with the faces of the characters.  Fear, dismay, anger, shock, happiness, concern, all were conveyed well, which is important with the lack of dialogue.  I think my favorite is the yucky face she makes while combatting a zombie ogre-type thing.

The plot moves along really well, there are no wasted panels.  Every panel conveys something important to the story.  I won’t go too heavily into the plot, except to say it’s a dungeon crawl resulting in a rescue.  I wouldn’t want to ruin the ending for you.   According to the promo materials I got with my copy, the author/artist has worked up D&D stats for all the characters, and this does not surprise me in the least.  It has an excellent RPG feel to it, without feeling like it’s that guy everyone knows who will corner you and go on and on about his 24th Level Warrior-Mage with the +12 Soul-Sucking Sword…

On a Feminist Critique level, the character is empowered, she is determined, not once does her facial expression devolve into “Porn Face” (I’m looking at you, Greg Land),  nor does she look solely decorative.  She is active, and the agent of change.  She is the rescuer, the hero.   I’m sure there are people out there who would disagree with my assessment that the book is Feminist-friendly, if not Feminist itself, but that’s the great thing about opinions, everyone gets to have them.

I highly recommend this comic.  It’s cute.  It’s well done.  The art is great, particularly the wide range of facial expressions given the simplicity of the style.  It says that it is recommended for mature readers +16, but I don’t think I’d hesitate over-much giving this to an 11 year old.  Really.  And while I don’t have kids, I’m generally more conservative than my parent-friends about what I think children should have access to when.  So, go buy it!!!

THIS is what my eyes currently look like.

This is after a two weeks of coughing.

 Yup, I’m sexy. 

Geek Girls Rule #38 – New Games I’ve Played Recently

Well, the worst of the Plague is over. Granted, I still have no voice, and due to burst blood vessels from coughing fits, my eyes look like the eyes of the zombies in 28 Days Later. No seriously, they do. The whites of my eyes are all completely red with blood.

Whee.

I’ll probably have someone take a picture tomorrow and post that just for my own entertainment value. In the meantime, I’d like to talk about some new (mostly to me) games that I’ve played in the last little bit.

Ark. This is a German card game, published in the US by Rio Grande Games. Basically you have to load the Ark with creatures and supplies while trying not to overbalance it one way or the other, and also without placing prey animals in the same cabin as larger predators, or animals from tropical climates with those from arctic climates, or placing herbivores in the same cabin as the supplies. It comes with the cards of animals, five rain cards (the illustrations are adorable), as well as a series of counters. The rain cards are shuffled into the deck, and when the last rain card is drawn, the game is over, regardless of how many animals are left.
The box says the game is for 8 and up, but it took three adults several rounds to really get the gist of it. It is a lot of fun. Basically for ever animal you successfully place, you get a little dinosaur counter and at the end the person with the most counters wins. There is a free pdf of the rules on the Rio Grande site.

Bohnanza. This game is WAY more fun than any game about bean farming has a right to be. This game is also published by Rio Grande, and after several bottles of wine was hilarious. My friend Liz had been talking about it to me for months, and I just did not see how it could be fun. Basically it’s a strategy game about planting enough of various types of beans in order to harvest them for gold. At the end of the game, the person with the most gold wins. The end of the game comes when you’ve gone through the deck three times. When you draw your bean cards, you do not get to arrange them in your hand, but rather have to plant them as they came into your hand. You may also trade with other players for beans, or even just donate them to people. It does take a fair amount of strategy and thought. And like I said, far more fun than any game about bean farming has a right to be.

Gloom. This game by Atlas Games is a lot of fun. You take charge of a family, and you work to make them as miserable as possible before killing them. The illustrations are exceptionally reminiscent of the art of Edward Gorey. The cards are transparent, so that you can stack them on top of one another and you count all the numbers you can read. You do not count the points on a character unless they are dead. When you play a misfortune on a character, it gives that character a negative point value, you may only kill characters with negative points. However, there are also cards that may give characters positive numbers. You get to play two cards per turn, and can play them on anyone’s characters, not just your own. Games around our house tend to get cut-throat pretty quickly. The game is over when the first person kills all of their family. The person with the highest negative score wins.

Parlay. We are big on word games in our house, and the Mister is really into poker. So when he found a game that incorporated both word games and poker, he was really excited. It’s basically a seven card stud variant. The cards have both suits and letters on them. In the first part of the round, you build your words from the five cards in your hand and the two in the center of the table. Now, after that comes a point where you can either Fold, or you can Stay and wager on the strength of your poker hand for either bonuses to your word, or you can lose and get nothing. I was dubious, I’m not a huge or good poker player, but I got him the game for Christmas. Our friend Tammy came over and between them and the handy little cheat sheet of what poker hands were and how much they were worth, I puzzled it out. It was actually pretty fun. I enjoyed it a lot.

Jungle Speed. This is high-speed matching card game is a blast. 2-4 players sit equidistant from the Totem, which is a short wooden dowel. Then you deal out equal parts of the deck of cards, and start flipping your cards over one after the other, when two of you have matching cards, the one to grab the totem first wins and the loser has to take their cards. The goal of the game is to run out of cards first. There are also cards in it mean anyone can make a grab for the Totem, or that everyone flips their cards all at once. The Mister heard about it on several of the podcasts he listens to, and was really excited about it. This was another game that degenerated into giggles the more wine we all had on New Year’s Eve. Memo: Me – trim nails before the next game. I accidentally took a chunk out of one of the other players.

That will do it for this week.  You can find reviews of these games at BoardGameGeek.com or in Paul Tevis’ podcast Have Games Will Travel.  Ok, I need to go.  Chowder is on the Cartoon Network.  Since the Mister is an excellent cook, and has actually gone to cooking school, he finds this cartoon irresistibly funny.  More later.

The Geek Girl What Rules’ Greatest Hits – GGR #5 Bringing Girls to Your Game

Okay, if the words in the title of this article make no sense to you put together like that (girls? my game?), do us all a favor and quit reading now.

For the rest of you, let’s hit a few basics:

1.  Ask them to play.

Actually, that’s it.  Just ask them like you’d ask any guy, and quit looking at her tits.  Seriously, talk to her face, not her chest.  Explain the campaign concept, the world, any background you think she might need to know to make an informed decision, who the other players are.  Just like with guys.  And don’t assume a militaristic or gritty setting will put her off, some girls really dig on those.

Now that you’ve asked a girl to join your game, and she’s said yes, how do you keep her there?  Well, the same way you keep your male players, and no, I don’t mean by being the only game in town.  I mean by being a really excellent GM who has an interesting and engaging storyline, character involvement and the potential for character growth, and who makes sure everyone gets roughly the same amount of face time.  Also, don’t treat her like an idiot.  She has a vagina, not anencephaly.  If she wants help she’ll ask.  And make sure your other players are going to be cool with her and, if not, make sure she can hold her own and is ok with doing so.  While some of us are perfectly content to play verbal tetherball with a He-Male Woman-Hater’s ego if need be, some are not.

Another thing I almost included was “Don’t touch,” at least not without invitation, but that’s kind of a hard thing to say.  I mean, if you and the other guys engage in rough-housing and jolly, high-spirited caperings, she might feel a little left out if not included.  However, give her a chance to jump in or not.  And remember, horsing around with you guys does not in any way constitute flirting or signal sexual readiness any more than it does between the male members of the group.

Also, the inclusion of a girl in your game does not necessarily mean that you can’t use charged events like rape as plot hooks.  You may want to think about how you use them, though.  Talk with all your players and see if they’re okay with it.  People always assume it’s the girls who will have a problem with rape storylines, but I’ve known guys who couldn’t deal with them either.  And a word to the wise: is Rapey McRapeyPants really a character anyone needs to play regardless of the genders of the players involved?*

Honestly, though, like I’ve said, the best way to keep your Girl Gamer is to treat her like your Boy Gamers.  Give her just as much input on things and face time as the guys, don’t assume she’s an idiot just because she has those growths on her chest, and please, dear Gods, quit staring at them or at least try to be subtle about it.

*And if I hear one more person tell me that the Rapey McRapeypants character is “historically accurate” while their character possesses a +4 Sword of Elven Might, I’m going to set them on fire. Because burning people’s pretty historically accurate, too, asshole.

The Geek Girl What Rules’ Greatest Hits – GGR #4 Firing a Player

I had thought I’d be doing women and comics and games in this week’s column, but something came up, and I know its something that every GM is going to have to deal with at one time or another in their gaming career: firing a player.

It sucks. A lot. 

I did not realize how much it would suck until I had to do it myself. See, there’s this feeling of tribe and geek unity that I’m pretty sure most of us can relate to. So what do you do when part of your tribe is, well, not holding up their end of the bargain or not meshing with the other members. I mean, they’re your friend or you wouldn’t have invited them in the first place, right? But its just not working out, the rest of the group may well be getting a little mutinous, and there’s really no way out of it. You’re going to have to fire them. 

And as much as geeks have a reputation for being tactless and blunt to the point of brutality, I have never seen anyone dance around an issue so much as a GM (myself included) trying to figure out how to fire a player without hurting their feelings. 

On my first try, I attempted to get the player in question to fire themselves.  My Boy has had some success with this tactic. They’ve been missing a lot of games, and you’re pretty sure that they aren’t as into it as they thought they’d be. So you give them an out. “Hey, look, it just seems like you’ve got a lot going on, and you’d rather be taking this time to do other things. You’re not gonna hurt my feelings if you’d drop.” There is a sizable segment of the population for whom this will work. They’ll hem and haw and mumble about not wanting to hurt your feelings or not wanting to let you down, but generally, they’ll drop with nary a whimper.

You’ll note I said “first try.” I was not so lucky. After weakly asking the rest of the group how they’d feel about giving the player in question one more shot and getting a round of furrowed eyebrows aimed in my general direction, I admitted defeat and had to figure out exactly how to tell the player that it just wasn’t working. I had already, when the player had missed the last game, taken the story to a place where there was just no feasible way to catch them up, so I guess you could say I wrote them out and then informed them of this later. And maybe that was the coward’s way out, but after agonizing over this decision for weeks I took the path of least resistance.

That said, after looking at how I handled it, and how other GMs have handled problem players, I kind of wonder if maybe a brutally blunt approach might have worked better. The real question is, if I had been incredibly blunt and just said, “Look, you don’t show up, when you do you don’t pay attention, I have to spend all session asking you to make INT roles to see if your character is smarter than you just to keep the group from catastrophic death and then there’s the matter of the rest of the group constantly smacking you down” would it have made any difference, or would it just be another notch in the gunbelt of “Mickey is an incredible bitch?”

The problem is do you give them the short intense pain of your smackdown in the hope that it will improve their behavior for other, later GMs? Or do you spare their feelings because they’re your friend? Is the smackdown even effective in the long run, or will it just make you look (and quite possibly feel) like you suck?

The problem being that even if you deliver the most supremely eloquent smackdown in all existence, you still have to deal with the fact that the human brain does not like to hear negatives about itself and can rationalize its way out of a titanium vault.

You’ll say, “You never show up.”
They’ll hear, “I have unreasonable expectations of attendance.”
You’ll say, “You don’t pay attention and I’m constantly having to interrupt the game flow to catch you up.”
They’ll hear, “I don’t explain well enough for you to follow, and I’m boring.”
You’ll say, “You antagonize the other players.”
They’ll hear, “We’re a bunch of irrational, oversensitive bitches.”

You really can’t win. So I say let them go in the way that makes you the least likely to feel like an ass, and don’t linger on it. There is no win in this situation.

 

The Geek Girl What Rules’ Greatest Hits – GGR #3 Bad Female Gamer Archetypes

I promised you the girls wouldn’t get away scot-free, and I keep my word. 

Last time I skewered a few of the Bad Guy Gamer Archetypes I’ve had the, ahem, pleasure of dealing with in my years as a Girl Nerd.  However, as I observed last time, there are Bad Girl Gamer Archetypes, too.  And yes, I’ve dealt with them as well.  As I’ve mentioned, Girl Gamers are still a relative rarity, which unfortunately makes the Bad Ones stand out that much more.  Well, I promised, so here we go. 

The Girlfriend:  She’s there, she’s not really interested in the game, but HE brought her because one of them seems to think spending more time together will really cement the relationship.  There will be a lot of, “I don’t know, what should I do?” when she’s asked to declare an action, the dice may well confuse her.  This is a best case scenario.   If you’re lucky, she’ll just be bored and disinterested, although more often than not, she’ll be the sub-species known as the Resentful Girlfriend, and can be totally disruptive, leading to dramatic exits and slammed doors, if not overt hostility.  However, every once in a blue moon you’ll get one of these who is an enthusiastic convert and will leap into gaming like she was born to it.  When they break up, you may want to keep her.

The Flibbertigibbet:  This girl loves gaming, but many of you will wish she didn’t.  She always wants to play something, small and cute, preferably that flies.  Pixies, fairies and tiny intelligent robots rank high in her character choices.  If your setting does not provide her with the option of something small and cute that flies that she can characterize with a high-pitched voice and, quite probably, baby-talk, the sulking will be magnificent.  You will have never SEEN a sulk like this.  She will annoy the living daylights out of 99% of other girl gamers, and a good percentage of the male ones, too.  When not gaming, she will often hold forth long discourses on auras and the reality of Fae Magick. 

The Man-Hater:  She’s come to the game with a giant chip on her shoulder.  She exclusively plays strong, tough, independent women who may or may not be lesbians, but who most definitely do not need any man to help them out.  Any suggestion of romantic storylines involving her character will be met with open hostility, both in and out of game.  She will be argumentative and hostile to any male character in a leadership role, and quite possibly worse to any female character run by a male player.  And I hate to admit it, but she seems to be a phase almost all Girl Gamers go through, generally in response to dealing with the aforementioned Bad Guy Gamer Archetypes.  Thankfully, though, most of us grow out of it.

The Man-Eater:  This darling creature (on occasion also a Flibbertigibbet) has figured out that the Gamer Stereotype concerning Gamers being under-sexed nerds has its basis in reality and is out to exploit the Hell out of it.  She favors slinky, seductive characters, her in-character flirting will often get incredibly graphic, and will involve physical contact between her and the other players.  Whether this continues to the real world, is about a fifty-fifty chance, but she’ll know that if it does she’s pretty much got her pick of the boys and will exploit this advantage shamelessly.  Alas, this is another Archetype that many Girl Gamers go through as a phase, and, again, that the majority of us outgrow in time. 

Overly Cautious:  While this Archetype exists in both genders, it is rather more common among female gamers, and I have to admit, I generally fall into this category.  This player seems to have a really hard time really getting into playing a reckless or impulsive character, although they have a tendency to keep trying (I’m getting better). This Archetype will spend hours over-thinking a plan or plot, trying to pinpoint every weak spot or flaw if you let them.  My main GM has taken to humming the Jeopardy theme song at me when I start to do this. In my case, at least, I admit its because I kind of fall in love a little bit with some of my characters, especially if I get really into crafting the backstory.  The same thing happens when I’m writing and I know that the natural outgrowth of the story demands that a certain character die.  I get all girl and weepy about it.  I have on occasion had to take a quick “bathroom break” when a favorite character took a serious injury or died.  And yes, this is a running gag in my gaming groups.  

Bloodthirsty:  Another unisex archetype, but for some reason girls like this tend to take it further over the top than the guys.  She’s generally not overly hostile to any one gender or other character, but will play characters with strong antipathies to other races, species, religions, whatever, and will enthusiastically rush into combat, often to the point of overkill.  All of her characters will have “impulsive” and “bloodthirsty” as flaws, and usually “short-tempered.”  Intelligence is often the dump stat, especially in GURPS, because dropping your IQ gives you 20 character points per level you drop it from ten.  Not to mention the insane amount of points you get from the disadvantages I mentioned above.  And when she kills things, they stay dead.  There will be a lot of the GM announcing the antagonist’s death and the Bloodthirsty one calling out, “I take off its head, just to make sure!  Can I make a hat out of it?  How about a belt from his intestines?”

 

Geek Girls Rule! #37 – Comic/Superhero movies

Sorry about the lateness of the column.  I’ve been stuck on the couch for the past week with a nasty upper respiratory infection.  This is the first time I’ve been off heavy narcotics since Monday long enough to put two sentences together.  In practical terms what this means is that between the Sci Fi Channel,Vongo.com and my own personal collection I have watched an assload of bad movies, anime and even some entertaining movies.  So, I thought, what better time to talk about some of my favorite comic and comic inspired movies.

Sky High.   This Disney film starring Kurt Russell, Bruce Campbell and Dave Foley deals with the trials and tribulations of the as-of-yet unpowered son of two of the world’s greatest superheroes.  Sky High is the name of the top secret high school where super-powered teens go to be sorted into Heroes or Sidekicks and taught accordingly.  When his powers manifest in the middle of a fight with the son of his parents’ former archenemy, he finds himself one of the heroes, and unthinkingly leaves his friends behind.  He winds up dating the most popular girl in school, which turns out to be a double-cross.
The cast is excellent, it’s well-paced and tackles the topics of cliques in high school and peer pressure inside the superhero dynamic.  I really enjoy this film and watch it pretty frequently as a pick-me-up.  Lynda Carter as Principal Powers is great.  And the female heroes are as powerful as their male counterparts, same with the villains.

Zoom.  This film starring Tim Allen and Courtney Cox followed Sky High by about 9 months.   I vaguely remember the ads for it, and wanting to see it, but it didn’t last long in the theaters.  Tim Allen plays a washed up superhero named Zoom, whose team was killed by his brother after the brother was driven mad by a super dose of gamma-13 radiation given to enhance his powers by the military.  Zoom (Tim Allen) is shanghai-ed into training a new Zenith Team, when the military realizes his brother is coming back for him.   At first he’s resistant and keeps sabotaging the efforts of Courtney Cox’s character, but eventually he realizes that the kids need him.
My main problems with this film were that it really could have done with a strong editor.  A really strong editor.  Plus, it couldn’t seem to make up its mind about whether it wanted to be a kids film or a sly poke at the genre.  There were a couple of scenes that very obviously were included solely because someone (God knows who) thought they were funny, and not because they in any way added to the plot or development.  However, it was a cute story, and if you can get past the “The Military is bad, mmm’kay?” needling of the metaplot, it’s not a bad little flick.  Not as good as Sky High, but not hideously bad.

The X-men movies.  X-men and X2 were great.  Honestly, my hopes for the first X-men film weren’t high.  I went with my buddy Ryan to see the first one, and when we walked out of the theater we were both floored by how good it was.  X2 was, likewise, very, very good, helped of course by the fact that the opening scene featured Nightcrawler and made me all sorts of happy in my panties.  X-men United (3) was pretty disappointing for me.  A.  They tried to combine far too many plots into one film (Weapon X, Morlocks, Dark Phoenix).  B.  They completely screwed with the Dark Phoenix and not in a good way.  C.  Why did Logan’s shirt disintegrate, but not his pants?  D. No Nightcrawler.

Daredevil.  I liked Daredevil.  First off, I think Ben Affleck did a pretty good job.  I also really liked Colin Farrell as Bullseye.  He does psycho really well.  The one major stumbling block of the film for me was Jennifer Garner as Electra.  Seriously, at no time did I believe she could kick even my 30-something, arthritic, aging jock ass, let alone supervillians.  Plus, she couldn’t act her way out of a wet paper sack.  I did attempt to watch Electra on FX one night.  Don’t do that.  Trust me.

The Spiderman movies.  I loved Spiderman and Spiderman 2. And, OK, I have to admit, I haven’t seen the third one yet because it came out during the summer of surgical doom for me,  and I haven’t gotten around to picking it up.  I really, really enjoyed the first two films.  The one criticism I never got was when people complained about the blatant emotional manipulation of the script.  Well, duh, it’s a comic book movie.  Comics are a melodramatic media form.

Batman Begins.  I loved this film.  It was beautifully done, gorgeously filmed and mostly well acted.  I did not like Katie Holmes as the love interest.  But I really enjoyed the rest of the film.  I felt it was a good antidote to the cartoon-like feel of the Burton Batman films. Not that I don’t enjoy those films, but I really like the grittier, more raw feel of the new film.  And Cillian Murphy was brilliant as the Scarecrow.

Hellboy.  I really, really liked Hellboy.  A lot.  I enjoy the supernatural horror feel of the comic, and the movie definitely did not disappoint.  Ron Perlman, as always, did an excellent job.  The gal who played Liz was amazing.  I found the Karl Ruprecht Kroenen character very creepy.  I’m really, really looking forward to the next one.

V for Vendetta.  I really feel, in spite of Alan Moore’s kvetching, that the Wachowski brothers did a really good job of capturing the spirit of the graphic novel even with the updates.  I felt that Hugo Weaving did a great job, as did Natalie Portman.   An excellent film.

You’ll note these are getting shorter.  I think it’s time for me to hit the codeine cough syrup again.  Hopefully next week I’ll be more coherent and, well, healthier.  And maybe next week I’ll cover the horrible, horrible horror movies I’ve been watching this week.

Geek Girls Rule! #36 – The first Geek Girls Rule! Podcast and some other stuff

Yup. Since Mr. Geek Girl What Rules has been doing his podcast, he’s been pestering me to do my own. In the first one I pretty much just talk about why I named the column Geek Girls Rule!, my geek “cred,” the hotness of geek boys, my deep and abiding love for Richie Rich comics and lots of other stuff.

You can find it here: http://sirriamnicast.libsyn.com/

I’ll be using this site for both these podcasts and the Valerie Strangiato podcasts, so I’m guessing we’ll have that explicit tag before too long. I tried to come up with a name that would incorporate both column names and that just turned into a mess that would probably wind up getting more hits from poor fools looking for porn. So I gave it up and just went with a variation on my LJ name.

I say that about porn because on WordPress I can see what search terms are bringing people to my site, and many of them are in reference to Geek Girl porn of some sort. Geek girls fucking, geek girl pussy, nude geeky girls, etc… I always kind of feel vaguely sad for those people. I mean, here they are looking for teh hot SEXX0RZ and what they get is me ranting about stuff that means nothing to most of them. Poor horny boys. Or girls, you never know.

Speaking of horny, have you seen the clip from season two of Torchwood with John Barrowman and James Marsters making out and then fighting? Holy crap is that hot! The fanfic writes itself, I tell you. Talk about too much pretty in one place. It should be illegal. I am really looking forward to Season 2 of Torchwood. I hope the writing is as good as Season 1.

“In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale.” Ok, I adore Jason Statham. I would go to a grunion run if he were emcee-ing. I don’t know if I have the stamina to watch something that looks so unbelievably bad. And I’m trying to figure out how the hell they managed to pull in that many names for it. Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, John Rhys-Davies, Ron Perlman… Is there some sort of blackmail ring involving children and farm animals that directors in Hollywood are running? I don’t know. I’ll probably see it eventually. I mean, I liked “Crank” for fuck’s sake.

Last night at the Seattle Story Games meet-up, Mr. Geek Girl What Rules and I and some other folks played “In a Wicked Age” by Vincent Baker. Well, we played one chapter of a game, since we were hanging out in a bar. It was great! Once we got the mechanics of the conflict system, it went pretty fast. It was a quick and dirty demo session, but from what I gathered. You choose an oracle (of four), draw four cards, that give you your situation for that chapter. Then each of the 3-4 players create characters that are either named or implied by the four cards.

Last night we had as situations a group of angry goat-herders looking for vengeance, a starlit revelry on a hilltop, licentious demons, and the homonculus of a recently deceased sorceror who was more clever than wise. We decided cooperatively that what had happened was the Sorceror summoned the demons, who broke his control and then seduced the goat-herders’ wives. The goat-herders were going to get their women back. I played the lead goat-herder. The Mister played my wife. Our buddy Lucas played the homonculus and his room-mate David played the most Wicked Demon.

You have six “stats,” which you assign dice values D12, D10, D8, D6, D6 or D4, based on how important that are to you (highest to lowest). You use the dice for your two most appropriate stats to settle conflict, with the largest number rolled winning. I could go far more into detail, but it would take far too long. As far as the story went, I was seduced by my wife and the Wicked Demon and the homonculus wound up fleeing sans one arm.

Once we got the conflict system, the game went fast and the system stayed nearly completely out of the way of the story, which is what I’m really looking for in a game.

Soon, I’m hoping to play “Mortal Coil” by Brennan Taylor. It sounds awesome! I’m really digging on the Indie Games.

Eeek! Shark Boy on TNA Wrestling! Gotta go!!!!

The Geek Girl What Rules’ Greatest Hits – GGR #2 Bad Male Gamer Archetypes

Geek Girls Rule! #2

As you know, from the last column, I came to gaming relatively late in life, the age of 19 to be exact. I’d always wanted to game. It sounded fascinating; hanging out with other geeks, pretending to be great heroes, adventurers, other races. Ever since I found out about D&D, I’d wanted to play. In 1990, I met a new crew of geeks, who gamed and partied hard. They took me under their wing, and we started playing AD&D. They had all been playing together for years, and had a lot of patience with the hesitant newbie who was too embarrassed to really get into character and who had to be constantly nudged with “Don’t tell us, show us.”

By and large my gaming experiences have been positive. I rarely ever game with more than one other woman, and only know a handful of other female gamers (most of whom are now in my all-girl Victorian Vampire game). By virtue of the guy heavy nature of gaming society, I spend a lot of time with guys. Below are a few of the more notable and annoying archetypes with whom I’ve had run-ins:

He-Male Woman Hater: Deeply misogynistic. They don’t understand why women don’t like them, but know that women are at fault, not their poor manners, open hostility and bad hygiene. Mike in Randy Mulholland’s “Something Positive” is/was a prime example. Any attempt to bring a female gamer into the group will be met with cries that girls don’t game, and that any female presence will ruin the experience.

“Plays His Sexual Fantasy” Guy: I have, fortunately, played with only a handful of this guy, and he’s often also a He-Male Woman Hater. He always plays his sexual fantasy, usually a hot elf chick in battle lingerie. He has no idea how women really act, and plays his characters like the girls in those cheesy videotapes they flog on late night television. Actual quote from one of these idiots: “I go into the woods and do girl stuff.” I was pretty sure that “girl stuff” involved masturbating with “her” quarter staff.

“What sick shit can I do now?”: A companion to “Plays His Sexual Fantasies” Guy, this guy hates that behavior, and his characters go out of their way to do horrible, brutal things to PHSFG’s characters. He is never anything but respectful to the female characters played by real girls in the game, but will take any and every opportunity to brutalize PHSFG’s characters. Unfortunately, aimed at your character or not, having to listen to the detailed brutality can be just as disturbing for the other party members as for PHSFG. I don’t know which is more disturbing, that this guy can come up with just horrible, twisted shit, or that oftentimes PHSFG seems to never be phased by it, like he thinks that’s just what happens to hot chicks.

“Hey, Baby”: This guy would never dream of hitting on you in real life. However, his character will hit on your character constantly, regardless of the genders of both of your characters. Frequently, the most intense and disgusting propositioning will take place when both your characters are female. Both of you having male characters will sometimes act as a slight deterrent, as many of these guys are terrified of being perceived as gay, but nothing ever really stops them.

“If I Give Your Character Stuff, Maybe You’ll Do Me”: This is when the GM thinks that by taking it easy on the female gamer’s character that he’ll get lucky. The character in question will always find gold, magical items and enchanted weapons and armor. Damage from hostile spells and creatures will slide off her or bounce past her, often to the detriment of other members of the party. On the rare occasion that there is more than one female gamer, this can lead to major problems between them.

“I Don’t Play Favorites”: On the flip side of the coin, is the GM who goes out of his way to prove he’s not playing favorites. If he’s in a relationship with the female gamer in question, her combats are harder, she rarely finds anything good and has to turn into a rules lawyer to get a fair break. I find copious note-taking is a must. (PS. He’s gotten much better.)

Don’t worry, guys. Girls will get their moment in the sun, too.

The Geek Girl What Rules’ Greatest Hits – GGR #1

Yeah, I haven’t figured out backdating yet, so old columns will be posting alongside the new ones for awhile.

Geek Girls Rule #1 

“Oh my GOD!!”

What was that?

Psst! Over here. That was me, having a minor geek-gasm over the latest issue of Uncanny X-men, in case you were wondering. Yeah, the girl standing over there by the X-titles. The one you wrote off as just marking time until her boyfriend/husband was done with his Geeking.

Surprise! I’m doing some Geeking of my own!

Now, I fully realize that Geek Culture has gotten much more accepting of the Geek Girl than it was, say, ten years ago or so. But I still encounter a fair amount of incredulity when I proclaim my Geek status. At which point I whip out the trump card: Nightcrawler tattoo on the calf. How can I NOT be a Geek with an X-man tattooed on my body.

I didn’t get to fully explore my Geek-ness until I was about 19. I’d tried to start playing RPGs when I was in junior high, however, I didn’t know any other girls who were interested, and all but one of the gamer boys I knew at the time were violently opposed to my joining in their reindeer games. And believe me, when you’re in Boise, ID and surrounded by fundamentalists who all believe Jack T. Chick about D&D, gamers of any gender are at a premium.

By the time I was 19 I’d moved to Seattle, and was hanging out with a bunch of hard-partying reprobates and perverts, and then one night I stopped by on a weeknight, and it just happened to be Gaming night. Well, someone helped me roll up a character for this bizarre D&D, Gamma World, Pern cross-over, they sat me down with some dice and an obsession was born. The story about how I got obsessed with Nightcrawler is for another column.

Now, I belong to at least four gaming groups, and I’m currently running an all-girls Victorian Vampire game for players from just-beginning to been-playing-for-years, who wanted to see what the all-girl dynamic would be like. I do Geek-themed burlesque, adore pro-wrestling, collect comic books, Nightcrawler memorabilia and I am DESPERATE to find someone to play Confrontation with me.

I was asked to do this column to provide you with the Geek-Girl point of view, and I’m more than happy to do that. If you want to send me questions, I’ll answer them. Otherwise, I’ll just natter on about my favorite flavors of Geekitude column after column.