Geek Girls Rule! #99 – Why I Won’t Be Seeing the GI Joe movie. Ever.

THEY FUCKED UP ZARTAN!!!!!

ETA:  I have been informed that Zartan does not look like the orange-haired green nightmare below.  Unfortunately, I can’t find ANY other pictures of him from the film. 

From the moment I heard about this project all I could think was, “It’s gonna have Zartan, and he’s gonna be played by Arnold Vosloo!  EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”

 

Then I went and saw the publicity shots.

The hell?

Seriously.  So, for a character that has looked like this for the majority of his presence in the comics and cartoons:

Zartan looks like this.

Or quite possibly this:

Or, Zartan looks like this.

Zartan does not look like this:

Zartan does not look like this.

I realize I’m getting dangerously close to nerd raging over a relatively minor character in an obscenely long-running franchise here.  But, gah!  Seriously, they looked at the traditional look for Zartan, hood, black diamonds around eyes, and thought, “You know, I bet he would be REALLY cool if we made him green with orange hair and gave him an outfit that rivals David Bowie in his Ziggy Stardust days.  That’ll be hot.”

Ugh.  So, yeah, no GI Joe for me.  Sigh.  Oh well…  I can always watch the old 80s cartoon or read the comics, I guess.  Plus there’s tons of fanfic and fanart out there if I get truly desperate.  It’s just so disappointing.  Zartan=awesome.  Arnold Vosloo=awesome.  This Zartan concept for the film?  So far from awesome it couldn’t see it with the Hubble Space telescope.

Yes, yes, nerd rage, blah blah blah… It’s been a slow week for geek news.

In completely unrelated news:  The kitten (Jimmie Superfly Snookums) loves pistachios.  She’s insane for them.  I told you this kitten was defective.

ETA2:  Ok, so I did finally track down A still from the film.  He’s just boring, not horrific.  Actual movie Zartan: 

See, just boring, not horrific.

Sigh.  A perfectly good nerd rage, wasted on nothing.  Think I’ll go post another angry rant about Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes.

Geek Girls Rule! #98 – My New Literary Boyfriend

My friends and I have a running joke that people we admire are our “tv boyfriends” or “action movie girlfriends” or whatever.  We use this to describe people we do not know, will probably never meet and can only admire from afar.  We find this exceptionally funny, but I’m pretty sure that to the uninitiated it sounds kind of creepy.  No, we don’t actually think we’re in a relationship with these people, it’s just shorthand for “ZOMG!! THEY ARE SO AWWWSUMMMMM!!!!SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!” 

With that explanation in mind:  I’m totally cheating on Steven Erikson with Eric Flint right now. 

I was initially leary.  I mean, I love the alternate history gaming as much as the next History Major with a mad on for Medieval Europe, or Byzantium, Medieval Russia (which period essentially lasted until the 1860s for those playing along at home) or whatever.  I’ve engaged in my fair share of drafting novel outlines about, “What if the US had remained neutral in WWII?” or “What if Nicholas II had actually pulled his head out?”  I picked up 1632 on the recommendation of a friend.  And it sat,unread, on my shelves for ages.

Then I discovered the Baen Free Library of E-books, and a book called Mother of Demons that sounded interesting.  Without paying any attention to the author, I downloaded it, and read it on my phone during my bus commute.*  The book completely gripped me.  I couldn’t quit reading it, much to the Geek Husband What Rules’s annoyance when he picked me up from the transit center in the evenings.  The characterizations were fairly nuanced, the alien culture incredibly interesting.  I was a skidge annoyed that the “peacenik” was female, but she is also their salvation, so it redeemed itself in my eyes. 

After reading it I decided that I needed to check out more books by this author, and scrolled back to the coverpage on the file:  Eric Flint.  Well, I’ll be damned.  So I went home and downloaded 1632, 1633, and The Grantville Gazette.  Again with the grippedness.  Currently, I’m reading An Oblique Approach, which he wrote with David Drake, who I knew primarily from his contributions to the __________ in Hell anthologies (i.e. War in Hell, Heroes in Hell, etc…).  Again, I can’t put it down.  I love it, and get more than a little resentful when my bus gets to work, or my stop on the way home. 

He writes humor, as well as gut-wrenching sorrow very, very well.  I’ve enjoyed his books immensely, and picked up 1634 at Powell’s in Portland this last weekend, in spite of the fact that I wasn’t going to buy any books.  (I also picked up Knitting Lingerie Style and the sequel to House of Dark Delights by Louisa Burton).  I’m looking forward to working my way through the massive catolog he seems to have already spawned, and many more. 

 

*I love e-books for the commute.  No page turning so you don’t have to worry about elbowing anyone on crowded buses.  I’m far less likely to drop my phone than a book, and I needed to recover from the tendonitis engendered by trying hold Mr. Erikson’s books aloft one-handed.  I read them on my Blackberry with the Mobi e-book reader software.

Geek Girls Rule #97 – Using My Powers for Good!!!

So, we all know about Orson Scott Card’s homophobic paranoia (gay marriage = end of democracy OMG!WTFBBQ!!!!).  Well, the ranks of homophobic SF authors are swelling. 

John C. Wright has posted a screed about the darn homos gettin’ homosex in his Sci Fi on his personal (not friends-locked) journal, which was pointed out here by the lovely and talented Naamah_Darling.  Don’t read the comments on Mr. Wright’s journal if you value your sanity.   I had hoped for people to call him out on his hateful bullshit… Nope.  There are far too many ignorant jackasses in Fandom for that.  Sigh.  I had such high hopes for my nerdy brethren and sistren.  ETA:  Bene informs me that on page 2 of the comments, people start ripping him a new one, so all hope is not lost. 

A few people on Naamah_darling’s post suggested she sell her copies of Mr. Wright’s books and make a donation in his name to PFLAG.

I’ll go one better.  I think we should ALL make donations to the HOMOSEX charity of our choice in Mr. Wright’s name.  And because I am a hateful, mean bitch, I have dug up his agent’s address, and the address at TOR where you can direct the charity of your choice to send Mr. Wright a thank you note in order to further my evil plan.  Let’s make some good out of his hatred, shall we?  Be the change you want to see and all that, right?  So, with no further adieu…

PFLAG
Lifelong AIDS Alliance
Lambda Legal Defense
Matthew Shepard Foundation

Those are just a few of the LGBTQI charities you can donate to.  Now, for where to have those thank you notes sent:

John C. Wright
In care of:  Sternig and Byrne Literary Agency
2370 S. 107th St., Apt. 4
Milwaukee, WI  53227-2036
http://www.sff.net/people/jackbyrne/index.htm

John C. Wright
In care of:  TOR Books
Tom Doherty Associates, LLC
175 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10010
http://us.macmillan.com/TorForge.aspx

Orson Scott Card can also be written to care of TOR Books, as well. 

Most charities will not allow you to dictate the text on the thank you cards they send, but if they do, please be polite in what you ask them to say.  And if you decide to complain to TOR books about their authors, remember that you need to be polite and succinct.  Rambling screeds don’t get read, neither does profanity. 

I’m trying to make some good out of the reprehensible attitudes of these two people.  Please, keep that in mind.  And PLEASE spread the word, cross-post this where ever you think it might do the most good.

ETA(2):  Apparently, Mr. Wright has taken down the 13 pages of comments, and added footnotes (per Rob in the comments).  Basically, his footnotes fail.  He claims to not be arguing from a religious standpoint about the HOMOSEX, but I don’t know from what other standpoint he could be arguing.  I mean, it isn’t biologically unnatural, it occurs in nature all the freaking time.  And he certainly isn’t arguing from a position of logic or reason…  Sigh… But all us HOMOSEX supporters are just emotional and hysterical… don’t forget mean.  Some people’s children.

ETA(3):  Please go read Hal Duncan’s response to Mr. Wright.  It is long, but very thoughtfully composed and worded.  I approve highly.

Geek Girls Rule! 96 – Fat Princess is BACK!

According to the wonderful, charming and beautiful Rachael at The F-Word, Sony’s Fat Princess is on the market.  And, as before, we have people, including women, coming out of the woodwork to tell us how it’s totally not offensive, and that the designers totally didn’t mean to offend people. 

A.  As I said in a reply on Rachael’s post, considering how frequently people seem to view it their responsibility to police what fat women eat, the idea of having a videogame where a female character eats cake until she is too fat to move, and is helpless to resist the lure of that cake no matter how full she might actually be, is fucking offensive.  To me and every other fat chick who has ever had to listen to someone lecture you on the evils of salad dressing and the natural sugars in organic fruit juice, because eating healthy isn’t enough for those people.  The fact that fat women are eating AT ALL offends them. 

Seriously.  If you’re eating a burger, it should be a light sandwich.  If you’re eating a light sandwich, it should be a salad.  If you’re eating a salad, why is that fat bitch eating anything at all, she could stand to miss a few meals. 

And guess what, girls?  You don’t even have to be actually fat to have people think this way about you.  Nope.  You can be a size 6 and have assholes think this about you.  Like the asshole who accosted one of my customers at the nightclub when she had gotten up to a size 4 (she was really tiny).  He says, “Wow, you’ve gotten kind of fat.  What happened?”  She looked him in the eye and said, “I quit doing meth, you asshole.”  This is a girl who still models latex, the most unforgiving of materials. 

Yes, people actually do  and say those things.  Nevermind it’s none of their fucking business what I or anyone else eats or weigh.  It doesn’t matter what you’re eating, people will snipe at you about it.  I have gotten lectures for eating a salad because it had croutons and dressing, apples, bananas, an all organic snack bar while on my way to the gym so I didn’t crash partway through my workout.  Heaven forbid I’m running late for something and fast food is the only thing available that I can find in the time or route allotted, or that I order dessert.  The sight of my fat ass holding a hamburger sends these annoying gits into paroxysms of pearl-clutching matched only by right-wingers who figure out women have and like sex. 

Ok, that’s point A. 

Point B?  Do I think they meant the game to be mean?  No.  Nor do I think they purposely set out to be offensive.  But, as I said before: 

I don’t think that Sony and Dark Star Industries did this on purpose, either.  And in some ways, that makes it worse, the unthinking cruelty of a society in which fat people, particularly fat women, are played for laughs.  I’m also sure that they didn’t really think about the fact that the only female character in the game is completely helpless, both in the face of her captors and in the face of food.

I have no doubt that the designers did not intend to offend.  But I do think that with just a little thinking, they could have come up with something better than a helpless fat princess as the “object” of the game. She’s “cute” and she can’t DO anything.  She can’t even quit eating.  It’s the internalized misogyny and fat hatred that’s so insidious.  Why isn’t this “Skinny Prince” where he’s too weak from hunger to rescue himself and so an army of girl ninjas comes to his defense?  Because men do and women are done upon.  She isn’t even eating of her own volition, she’s completely fucking helpless in the face of EVERYTHING. 

Argh.  Ok, I should probably go before I rupture something or disturb someone with a cry of inarticulate rage. 

I’ll say it again.  No, I don’t think the designers set out to be mean and create a misogynistic game, but it’s the fact that they didn’t have to set out with that goal in mind to do just that that is so disturbing to me.  Because, as many Feminist blogs say… “We’re soaking in it.”

New Best Thing Ever!!! (Today)

 

The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde

Ok, in case the embed doesn’t work, here’s the link:  http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/076041c13b/the-ballad-of-g-i-joe

I would kill to see a GI Joe movie with this cast.  Especially Henry Rollins as Duke.

ETA:  Showed this to the Geek Husband What Rules, and his comments were that while it is indeed made of pure awesome, Scarlet married Snake Eyes and was not hung up on Duke in the comic.  However, he agrees that Chuck Liddell makes the best Gung Ho ever, and that Olivia Wilde is a better Baroness than whoever it was they got to play her in the actual movie.

Geek Girls Rule! #95 – Happy Birthday to GGR!!!

Today is the second anniversary of this blog/column, at least its presence here in this space.  It had existed for about nine months previous, at it’s first home at Media Gauntlet, and would leave Media Gauntlet not long after I started this blog to promote it.  I started the column itself with little more direction than “Write about things from the Geek Girl point of view,” and it grew from there.

In the course of this column we’ve talked about comics, videogames, movies, television, books, sexism, racism, probably a little classism, wrestling, horror, misogyny.  It’s honestly been pretty low yield for trolls around here, and I’m ok with that.  Not that my banning finger doesn’t get itchy now and then, but I’d really rather not wade through anyone else’s vitriol if I don’t have to. 

I’ve talked about why “petty” things like movies and comics are important in the discussion of misogyny, racisms and all other -isms you can come up with. 

I’d like to thank Danielle for contributing by reviewing things I either have not the time nor inclination to review.  And for being awesome.

I’d like to thank everyone who reads this column and listens to the podcast.  I’d like to thank you for your support, and even for calling me out when I’m being a twonk.  I’d like to thank you all for raising my blood pressure by sending me things you think bear ripping into, and for lowering it again by being sensible and kind people. 

Thank you for visiting my little corner of the ‘net.

At Dragonflight

At Dragonflight right now. The Husband What Rules just ran a game of Elfs.

Come on down and hang out!!  I’ll only be here today, but the Husband What Rules will be here both today and tomorrow.  We have a whole bunch of indy games with us, including Elfs, Primetime Adventures, The Shab-Al-Hiri Roach, Polaris and others!

Doing a Little Pimping for a Friend

WILD, TETHERED, BOUND by Stephanie Draven

What if monsters of ancient myth are made, not born? And what if you find out that you’re one of them…

Lieutenant Nick Leandros is a battle-hardened soldier who thinks he’s seen everything. But nothing prepares him for the horror he encounters in a dark, war-torn forest. The carnage fractures him–body and soul. Split into three separate men with three savage wills, he struggles to tame the cunning creatures and hold them inside.

His only hope of salvation is Dessa, a beautiful dryad who is bound to Nick by mystic forces. She alone understands what he has become, and Nick is the only man who can give her the child she needs. But the cruelest, most lustful part of him demands her submission as the price for his help. With her powers waning every day, time is running out for Dessa to save the last forests of her country…and to heal the man she’s come to love.

WILD, TETHERED, BOUND is now available for purchase at eharlequin.com! Also available for Kindle users at Amazon.

Read an excerpt here.

www.stephaniedraven.com

Geek Girls Rule! #94 – On Alienating Your Fan Base

Surprisingly enough this post isn’t going to be about EA Games.

As one of the Gothy persuasion, I am constantly on the lookout for good vampire novels.  As with every time the “Darque and Spooky” experience a rennaissance, an awful lot of dross gets published along with the mediocre and excellent.  So, knowing this and knowing each others’ tastes, my friends and I recommend books to each other in person and over the net via sites like GoodReads.com and LiveJournal communities like Whatweread.  We talk a lot about books and our interactions with authors, publishing housess, booksellers…

So, when my friend Tammy (of Girl Game fame) read the book Marked by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast and found a couple of elements troubling, she talked to the rest of us about it.  The first troubling aspect is the fact that when characters aren’t going to successfully transition to vampire, they get fat.  Yeah, so once again fat is bad. Great.  This alone ensures that I will never recommend this to anyone in its target demographic.  Young women do not need any more negative body image reinforcement.

However the second troubling aspect of these books is the shit-talking of Goths by the main character.  As Tammy said, at least once per book there has to be a snide comment about “raccoon-eyed goths” or comments that Goths don’t bathe, etc…

So when Tammy, a proud member of the PaleoGothic Brigade read this and knowing, as she does, that Goth teens catch a large amount of crap, she decided to write to the authors to give them a heads up.  This is what she wrote:

Hi,

I’ve read a couple of the House of Night books and I generally like them. I’m a Goth, though, and while I don’t expect everyone to like how Goths dress and such, putting forth ideas that they don’t bathe (book 1) is concerning in a book aimed at teenagers. While it may be the way the character feels it’s a gross generalization that is not accurate. I wonder if you would consider learning more about Goths via the Gothic Charm School Web site which includes links to a few 3 minute videos to promote the new book that she’s published: http://www.gothic-charm-school.com/

It might give you a bit more information and perspective on Goths when you write about them. The characters in the House of Night books certainly don’t need to like Goths but I really wish there weren’t such derogatory comments about those of us who are Goths – particularly teen Goths who already have enough to be getting along with by being teens and being different – and isn’t that a main theme of the books after all.

Sincerely,

-Tammy Mickelson

This is the response she received:

Dear Tammy,

The Casts would like to remind you that the fictional views in the books are the heroines. Zoey wouldn’t go to a website to watch a video on Goths, Emos, Dorks, Okies, Gay Boys, etc., right now as she’s too busy being a teenager and/or saving the world. It is especially a moot point because Goths are mentioned very, very briefly. The books aren’t about them.

Thank you for your support,
Camden Clark
Personal Assistant
Cast, LLC

Wow, patronizing and rude.

Ok, Ms. Clark, let me tell you a little secret.  If your clients are going to write about vampires, your primary market (the success of Twilight notwithstanding) is Goth, with a capital G.  Now, I’m going to let you in on secret number two:  adult Goths read YA vampire books, and who do you think everyone asks about those books when they’re debating whether or not to let their YA’s read them?  Yes, that would be the spooky woman wearing all black in the back of the office, who they see reading those books at lunchtime.

And those adult Goths remember what it was like to get name-called, beat up, pushed around in hallways and sneered at by teachers.  We have long memories, and we have no interest in promoting books that further an agenda of bullying.

So, I’d rethink your response, perhaps get your authors to think a little harder about which demographic will actually be buying their books in the long run, and perhaps a class or two on manners and not being a patronizing dipshit is in order.  The Lady of Manners will, I’m sure, be glad to help you out.

Edited to add:  Also, looking at the list of other groups the heroine has no interest in learning about, it seems their “heroine” is an intolerant little snot.  Why on earth would anyone read these books?