Edit: It has come to my attention that due to my life being made of pure stress, that I may have been too hard on Mr. Ryan. I, however, think that if the article is indeed tongue in cheek, he needs to take it further instead of just sounding like the assholes that I keep deleting from this blog.
Assholes like Paul Ryan, Associate Editor for Cheatplanet. That’s why.
I’m gonna regret this. http://www.gamesradar.com/f/why-its-hard-being-a-girl-gamer-explained-by-a-dude-/a-20090403103444111050 If you really want your head to explode, you just go ahead and click. I’m sitting here waiting for the throbbing vein over my left eye to calm down before I tackle his points.
Breathing. In… Out… In… Out…
Ok, I think I’m ready.
Point one: Videogame girls are hot and girl gamers are not. Do we really have to discuss this AGAIN? Seriously, I… Sorry, got to go visit my happy place. You know, the world full of articulate, confident male videogamers who don’t get all butthurt if you kick their ass at Soulcaliber or Halo.
Point two: I don’t even GET his thing about the controller. Apparently women are built differently on planet Paul Ryan… Oh, wait, they ARE. They’re all built like videogame girls. Right. As a girl who plays and has played all three incarnations of the Playstation, both incarnations of Xbox, the Wii, the DS (yes, it’s pink), and a plethora of game systems older than this junior troglodyte, I can safely say that I have never had any difficulties reaching the Y button, or any other button for that matter.
Point three: He actually sort of has a point here, and that’s dealing with the stupid bullshit women have to put up with on network gaming or Xbox live or any net gaming. However, dating you guys is probably the last thing on our minds if you act like this. Next.
Point four: And let’s hear it for his second actual point that doesn’t make me want to stab him repeatedly in the ear. Most games marketed at girls and women blow goats. Completely and utterly. Babysitting, pet grooming, shopping? Ugh, thanks no. I don’t like doing those things in real life, why on earth would I pay money to do them digitally.
Point five: And he’s lost me again. Ok, no gamer girl worth her salt is going to date anyone who can’t hold their own against her in Halo, Soulcaliber, or anything else. If he’s going to get his pretty pink princess panties in a wad because you fragged him, what else is he going to make your life hell over? Dump his ass. Better yet, don’t date him in the first place. I know several awesome guys who would worship the ground you walked on if you repeatedly fragged them in Halo.
Point six: Crying? Women are going to cry because they can’t balance on the Wii Fit? Really? You think this is…
Breathing. In… Out… In… Out…
I can’t really… I’m trying to restrain the profanity. I think I may be in danger of rupturing something. Next.
Point seven: Game shopping. Again, he has a point. It’s annoying as fuck when game store guys either rush over because they assume I don’t know what I’m doing in their store, or when they completely ignore me because I’m in there with the Geek Husband What Rules. Which is funny, because I do the most varied gaming. He’s pretty happy with his shooting Nazis games. I’m the one looking for interesting new stuff. And now that I have new glasses, I might be able to play first person shooters without getting nauseated again.
Point eight: Half a point. Yes, we hate the “armor” they give female videogame characters. I’ve covered this before. But it certainly isn’t because we find the armor male characters get to wear “intimidating.” I mean, seriously, the games still act like two postage stamps and some dental floss give you the same protection as full plate, so it’s not like the guys’ armor does any more. So, yes, half right, half completely stupid.
Point nine: The Pink DS. I have a pink DS. Not only do I have a pink DS on which I play my current games, and am desperately looking forward to playing Blood Bowl on, but the Mister frequently plays with my pink DS IN PUBLIC. His testicles don’t shrink up or fall off or anything. No one gives him shit either. Granted, he’s also 6’2″, 275lbs and has a shaved head, so that might have something to do with it. I specifically requested my pink DS because it goes with a bunch of my other stuff, like my pink dice, my pink GM-ing folder, my pink calculator and my pink mechanical pencils.
So out of nine points, he only looks like a complete assclown on 5.5 of them. Still, that’s an awful lot of misogynistic bullshit to wade through for three and a half paragraphs of actual content.
Seriously, guys, what makes it hard to be a girl gamer of any stripe (video, rpg, LARP) is the fact that guys like Mr. Ryan are out there telling us why we’re annoyed instead of listening to us when we tell them they’re being annoying gits.